i want life in every word

::deep breath::

Okay. Most people who know me... like, at all? Know that I hate apologizing for things. Because... I hate to admit that I'm wrong, pretty much ever. Just... how I am, I guess. But... sometimes, I am wrong. Or just stupid.

So let me say... this is not easy for me. And trying to talk to people that I miss that I think... pretty much hate me? Yeah, it terrifies the living fuck out of me. But I'm going to put this as simply as possible.

All of you at np_hogwarts? I miss you. I'm sorry for just... up and leaving. I'm sorry for being a complete bitch to people who were my friends and not just random people I RPed with. For stupid defriending nonsense and disappearing without working anything out and for... everything.

And... I don't want this to seem like I'm just doing it because I want back in the game, either. That's not what this is about, not really. And, honestly? If you don't want me back? ...say so. Seriously. Because if that's how you feel, then... then at least I'll know. And if everyone/enough people feel that way? Then I'll know better, and I'll stay away. And just work on things with the people that want to work on things. But... if you want to work things out? Then I want to work things out. Like... I really do. And I know it'll take work, on my part more than anything else, but... I really do miss you guys.

I don't really know what else to say, because no matter what I write in this post, it doesn't seem right. Or like enough. Or... something.

So... I mean, I guess that's it. I'm just... I'm sorry. I'm going to send out some emails after this, and... if you want to say anything, comment. If you don't want it on lj... my aim is brave x crazy. Or my email is bravexcrazy@gmail.com I'm leaving this entry public... so feel free to direct people to it. In fact, please do.

I'm going to make this as simple as I can.

I've taken myself out of Now Playing. This is just... it's something that I need to do, for me. In fact, don't expect to see me in the DoC chat room anymore, either.

I've not done a friends cut. I thought about it, some, but I haven't.

If you want to defriend me, then I understand -- go right ahead, I won't be offended.

I'm not trying to cause drama, I'm trying to do something that I need to do for me.

I'm sorry... but for those of you that still want to be friends with me? I'm always on AIM... even if I'm not at my computer, I'm signed on, you can drop me a line. Or leave a comment. Or whatever you want to do.

So it's been a while since I've updated, especially with anything of importance.

Nano is going... going. I don't even know what my wordcount is write now, because I have a lot written out by hand that I'm in the middle of transcribing.

GoF was a great movie. I have nitpicks, but overall I really enjoyed it, and it's definitely my favorite of the movies now.

hogwartsishome has eaten my soul, but especially hihnow_playing.

..yeah, okay, so it's not like this post is important either, but now everyone knows I'm alive anyway.